Redação da primeira simulação de TOEFL

Aproveitei que já estou aqui no laboratório da Kaplan cumprindo minhas horas de "self-study" (pois é, self-study postando no blog rs) e entrei na simulação para copiar minha redação. Quem tiver disposição e interesse para ler, here you are:


It is clear that the world owes Martin Luther King immensely and I would be delighted if I could just say a grateful "thank you" to him.
King was the one responsible for the so-called " I Have a Dream" speech, which set the beginning of the struggling for our human rights. In this speech, he declared he believed in a not-segregated world, where black and white people would hold hands and live peacefully. A world which people had their rights respected and untouchable by anyone else. No authorities, no relatives, no one could harm them.
King had as an stimulus for this fight the refuse of standing given by Rosa Parks, a black woman who was arrested while on a bus ride by expressing her wish for a world of equality. Together, these two - until then - ordinary citizens made the world believe we could live harmoniously in community. Due to their attitudes, nowadays we can point out many developments in society.
One of these developments would be the homossexual marriage, accepted now in several countries as completely normal. It might not have happened if those two ordinary guys in the past hand''t shown their opinion.
We can also single out the freedom conquered by women. Fifty years ago it would not be expected to see female drivers or saleswomen everywhere as they can be found today. They have mastered their right to vote, to work, to make choices, to be active in society.
None of all of these improvements in our community would have been done if Martin Luther King hadn''t made his move. Thus, there is no one more brilliant than King to meet and have a conversation with. Maybe I could get some knowledge from him and enchance my chances of changing the world and making it a better place to live.

Essa redação também foi feita naqueles 30min que eu fiz a outra, so que aquela anterior eu já sabia o assunto bem antes de produzí-la. Essa eu tive que pensar e escrever na hora. Ganhei excellent como nota, só que poderia reestruturá-la melhor, não começar dois parágrafos seguidos com King (só percebi isso agora copiando a redação para cá) e coisas do tipo, nada que deturpasse minha nota.
Só isso por enquanto. Agora vou lá pro Student Lounge esperar pela galera da patinação ;D